A personal update from Rosie & Lily Photography 🤍

Over the last nine months, I have genuinely thought about closing Rosie & Lily Photography down for good.

I've written and deleted this post more times than I can count. I've gone backwards and forwards over whether I should be completely raw and honest about everything that has happened, or whether I should keep that side of my life private.

Part of me has felt very guarded and wanted to protect myself and my family. But another part of me feels that it's finally time to explain a little of what has actually been going on behind the scenes - and why, from the outside looking in, it probably seems like my life has completely flipped on its arse.

Because, truthfully... it has.

The last nine months have been some of the most challenging of my entire life. And I don't think I actually realised just how much everything had affected me until very recently, because for so long, I was simply surviving and trying to get through each day.

Everything Changed...

Back in November, my family received some absolutely devastating news regarding someone incredibly close to us.

It completely crushed us.

It wasn't something any of us expected. It was one of those things you hear about happening to other families and think, "That will never happen to us."

Well... how wrong was I?

My life changed almost overnight. 

I had to massively step back from work because, to a degree, I became their carer. I was the person taking them to hospital appointments, caring for them after surgeries, supporting them throughout their recovery and trying to hold everything together. And it took a massive toll on me.

Then, while all of this was happening, a few months ago I was hit with the word nobody ever expects to hear...

Cancer.

Completely out of nowhere, it was smacked right in my face.

I'm not going to go into detail about what type, where it was, how serious it was or anything else surrounding my diagnosis. That's something I'm choosing to keep private.

But yes. I was diagnosed with cancer.

And suddenly, my life was flipped upside down all over again.

Because now, I was the one who needed looking after... while I was still trying to look after everybody else.

I underwent surgeries and treatment. I developed infections. I was really poorly with side effects. Then there was the mental side of processing everything that was happening to me and my family.

Truthfully? It was an absolute nightmare.

Behind Closed Doors...

Nobody really sees what goes on behind closed doors.

Social media can be such a façade. 

We post the nice photographs. The happy moments. The pretty studio. The smiling babies. 

And while I tried to provide little updates here and there when I could, behind the screen I simply didn't know what to do anymore.

So I hid. And behind it all, I completely broke down.

I don't think I have ever been in such a low place as I have been over these last few months. 

I would cry myself to sleep worrying about what people were thinking about me. What people were saying about me. Whether people thought I was ignoring them. Whether people thought I didn't care.

How awful is that?

There were times when everything felt incredibly dark. 

But every single day, I got up and I kept going.

For my girls. Always for my girls. 🤍

And I think it's important for me to explain something.

I haven't just withdrawn from my business. I've withdrawn from every aspect of my life.

I haven't been myself. My head has been everywhere. My ADHD has been worse than ever. I can take days - sometimes even weeks - to reply to my own mum.

I haven't been ignoring people because I don't care. I've simply been struggling.

And naturally, Rosie & Lily Photography took the biggest back seat it has ever taken.

There were still bills to pay. There were still galleries that needed editing. There were still emails coming in and messages needing replies.

But honestly? My head well and truly fell off.

It's just ME...

I think something that is sometimes forgotten is that behind Rosie & Lily Photography, there isn't a team of people working away.

There is just me.

Every. Single. Thing.

There isn't another photographer.

There isn't an editor.

There isn't a receptionist answering emails.

There isn't a social media manager.

There isn't an admin team.

There isn't somebody who can step in when I can't.

When I disappear, everything stops.

Because sometimes, when we see a business, we subconsciously think of it as a company. 

But behind this business is one person.

The photographer taking your photographs is also the person answering your messages, managing bookings, preparing and cleaning the studio, buying props, creating sets, photographing sessions, editing hundreds of images, uploading galleries, dealing with accounts, running social media... and about a million other things in between.

It's all me.

And when I became unwell and my family needed me, everything started to fall apart.

I Genuinely Thought About Giving It All Up...

The last nine months have genuinely made me question whether I could continue doing something I have loved for the past six years.

There have been so many times when I have thought... Maybe I just can't do this anymore.

I've realised that my health and my family have to come before trying to keep everybody happy or living in constant fear of disappointing someone.

And I'd be lying if I said that some of the things I've experienced throughout this period haven't affected me deeply.

I've had negative reviews.

I've had threatening voicemails.

I've received calls and messages at ridiculous hours.

I've had people threaten to ruin the business that I've spent six years building from absolutely nothing.

And all of this was happening while, behind closed doors, I was dealing with some of the most frightening and difficult moments of my life.

There have been times when I've been at one of my absolute lowest points personally, while simultaneously receiving messages about galleries, emails and turnaround times.

And I want to be really clear when I say this...

I completely understand that every client who pays me for a service deserves to receive that service.

I understand that people are excited to receive their photographs.

I understand that the memories I capture are incredibly important to the families who trust me with them.

And I will always take responsibility when things don't go to plan.

But I'd also be lying if I said that, at times, the lack of human understanding and compassion I've experienced hasn't been incredibly difficult.

Because behind every small business is still a human being.

And sometimes, life happens to us too.

But There Has Also Been So Much Kindness...

But amongst all of the difficult moments, there have also been people who have shown me the most incredible kindness.

Clients who have checked in on me.

People who have been endlessly patient.

People who have sent messages simply asking if I'm okay, without wanting anything in return.

Friends who have picked me up when I've been at rock bottom.

And even complete strangers who I met for the first time earlier this year who have somehow become some of my closest friends and people I now value so dearly.

Those people will probably never truly understand just how much their kindness has meant to me.

And I will never, ever forget it. 🤍

My Body Eventually Said Enough...

On top of everything else, I've also been battling with my fibromyalgia, which has quite frankly kicked my arse more than ever before.

The stress. The constant worrying. The running around like a lunatic trying to hold everything together.

My body eventually said enough.

There have been days where I've barely been able to get out of bed because I've been in so much pain. Days where my whole body has felt like it was burning from the inside out. It's been horrendous.

I'd love to finish this post by saying...

"I'm back! I'm better! I'm giving everything 110%!"

But that wouldn't be truthful.

I'm still not quite there yet.

I'm still struggling with editing.

I'm still struggling with social media.

I'm still struggling with communication.

I'm still trying to find myself again.

But then I walk into my studio and I pick up my camera. I'm knee-deep in a session, probably making ridiculous noises, singing stupid songs and doing whatever it takes to make a tiny human smile...

And I LOVE it.

And in those moments, I genuinely cannot imagine doing anything else.

I've been doing this for six years now and, truthfully, it's the longest I've ever stuck at anything - Classic ADHD!

But I've stuck with it because it's mine.

I built Rosie & Lily Photography from absolutely nothing.

I created this little business.

I built my studio.

I created a career doing something I genuinely love.

And this business really is my baby.

So, after nine months of wondering whether I should close the doors for good...

I've decided I'm not ready to give up on it.

But I am ready for things to change.

A New Chapter...

I'm drawing a line under the last nine months.

I can't change what has happened. 

I can't undo the mistakes I've made. 

And I can't go back and handle things differently.

But I can decide what happens next.

Moving forward, I'm going to run my business in a way that protects me as a person, protects my health and allows me to actually be present for my family - while still giving my clients the experience they deserve.

That means creating boundaries I've probably needed for a very long time.

It means giving myself dedicated time for editing and admin.

It means having dedicated days for sessions.

It means not routinely sacrificing my weekends and family time.

It means creating a business that works alongside my life instead of allowing it to completely consume it. 

Because I need to give myself the time and space to actually run my business properly instead of constantly trying to photograph, edit, answer messages, run a home, be a mum and somehow squeeze an entire life into whatever hours are left.

I'm hoping that by finally creating that balance, I can find that spark in myself again.

Because despite everything...

I'm still here.

And maybe Rosie & Lily Photography just needs a fresh start too.

So, with that being said...

BIG changes are coming!

I'm talking a revamp of EVERYTHING.

The studio.

The packages.

The website.

The branding.

The way I work.

The whole bloody lot.

I have some really exciting plans for Rosie & Lily Photography, and for the first time in what feels like a very long time, I'm actually excited about what comes next.

The last nine months nearly made me close my business.

Instead, they've completely changed my perspective on how I want to live my life and how I want to run it.

I'm learning that I can't be everything to everyone.

I'm learning that my health matters.

I'm learning that my family has to come first.

I'm learning that it's okay to have boundaries.

And I'm learning that sometimes, starting again doesn't mean you've failed.

Sometimes, it just means you're finally doing things differently.

So, here's to drawing a line under the hardest nine months of my life.

Here's to rebuilding.

Here's to finding myself again.

And here's to the next chapter of Rosie & Lily Photography.

Thank you to every single person who has stood by me. I'm still here.

Charlotte x